At the beginning, narcissistic relationships rarely look like abuse. In fact, they often look like a
fairy tale—the whirlwind romance, the intensity, the feeling of being truly seen. But over time,
that dream begins to unravel, and what once felt like love starts to feel like control.
If you’ve been questioning your relationship or wondering if what you’re experiencing is
“normal,” here are ten red flags that often signal you may be dealing with a narcissist.
1. They Love-Bomb You Early On
● They overwhelm you with gifts, attention, and talk of forever right away.
● It feels magical, but the pace is meant to create dependency, not genuine intimacy.
2. They Constantly Gaslight You
● They deny things they clearly said or did.
● They twist reality until you doubt your memory and even your sanity.
3. Everything Revolves Around Them
● Conversations always circle back to their needs, opinions, or problems.
● Your feelings and thoughts are minimized or ignored.
4. They Isolate You From Others
● Slowly, you’re encouraged to spend less time with friends and family.
● They may criticize your loved ones or make you feel guilty for maintaining outside
connections.
5. They Use the Silent Treatment
● When upset, they withdraw affection and communication.
● This isn’t about cooling off—it’s about punishing you and keeping control.
6. They Need Constant Validation
● No matter how much you praise or reassure them, it’s never enough.
● Your role becomes about filling their bottomless need for attention.
7. They Lack Empathy
● When you’re hurt, they minimize your pain or flip it to make themselves the victim.
● Genuine compassion feels absent, replaced by dismissiveness or irritation.
8. They Criticize More Than They Compliment
● Over time, the adoration fades and criticism takes center stage.
● No matter how much you do, it’s never good enough.
9. They Create Drama and Chaos
● Peaceful moments are rare because they thrive on conflict.
● They may pick fights or cause scenes to keep you emotionally off balance.
10. They Can Flip Personalities Instantly
● One minute they’re charming in public, the next they’re cruel in private.
● This duality keeps you questioning which version is real.
Why These Red Flags Matter
Individually, some of these behaviors might not seem alarming. But when you start noticing
several of them together—and when they form a pattern—it’s often a sign you’re caught in the
cycle of narcissistic abuse.
Recognizing the signs is the first step toward reclaiming your voice, your confidence, and your
freedom.
How The Illusion of Us Connects
In my novel The Illusion of Us, Alivia doesn’t realize at first that she’s living with a narcissist.
Like so many women, she mistakes control for passion, and excuses away the red flags until
they become impossible to ignore. Her story is fictional, but the signs are very real—and they
echo what countless survivors live through every day.
If you recognized yourself in any of these red flags, know this: you are not alone, and your story
doesn’t have to end in silence.